No Pain, No Gain

First things first: Sorry for not having posted in a week. Last week was finals, then graduation followed by the All-Night Grad Party, of which I was a chaperone. (No, CH was not there). By the time Saturday rolled around, I was exhausted. And Sunday was Father's Day, so you know how that goes.


Remember how I mentioned that I want to take full advantage of Summer? Come what may, I'll embrace it? Well, I'm embracing.

This weekend I am going to a friend's beach cottage on the Sound. Melanie's place is in Stonington - swanky, cute village next to Mystic - and I couldn't be more thrilled! Good friends, great atmosphere, history all around, and cute, rich New Yorkers.

 (My favorite light house in Stonington)

Wait, men will not enter the equation. This is the Summer-O-Me.

And Me said yesterday that it's time to shed the winter coat and get groomed. Pedicure, check. Manicure, check. Legs waxed, check. Bikini wax...what?

I don't know what I was thinking when I told Karen (the salon owner of Pretty Girl and the only person whom I allow to rip hair from my legs) "Sure, why not?" when she asked if I wanted the Beach Body Beauty special.

Perhaps this image came to mind, and I was momentarily deluded?

Maybe Koreans have a different idea of personal space and modesty. Or maybe, after seeing one Girly Zone, you've seen'em all and nothing phases you (kind of like being a gyno). But whatever it is, I was in complete and total shock when suddenly, Karen goes, "Too hard. Take off."

And before I could say, "Take off what?" my panties were pulled down to my ankles and hot wax had gripped onto me, and then was mercilessly ripped off.

"Ahhh!"

"Don't be a baby. You good girl."

I shot an incredulous look. Precisely. I am a good girl. Shouldn't people buy you a few dinners and gifts first?

Rip. Rip. Rip,rip,rip.

"Oww. Karen, don't you think -"

 Riiiiiip.

"Ahck! Can I have a break? How much longer?"

"You Italian  - lotta hair. No breaks, line waiting. It's okay."

 Line waiting? Who would sign-up for this? And okay for who?

"Owwww!"

Rrrrriiiiiip. Rip. Rip.

A phrase from my childhood came to mind as I bit my lip in horror:
Suffer it with dignity.

I used to hate it when my mother would tell me that. "I don't want dignity," I would whine. "I want sympathy!" and then I would stomp off to my room in true teenage melodramatic fashion.

However, while laying on the torture table, I saw wisdom in the phrase. And speaking of torture, was I sure Karen wasn't North Korean?

To add insult to injury, I was being scolded by a five-foot-nothing lady as she ripped follicles from their homes. "You sweat a lot. Why? Stop it. Makes things harder."

Why am I sweating? Well...let me think...

Shortly thereafter, the terror stops. I take a minute to breathe, my muscles involuntarily tensing, suspecting a sneak attack at any moment. Karen walks to the supply table, and out of the corner of my eye I see a something reflect light.

Tweezers.

"Nooooo!"

 Karen shoots me the Evil Eye, since I startle her and make her drop them. "Don't be a baby. You want pretty Beach Body, right?" she asks, practically salivating at the opportunity to inflict more pain.

"I am sure it'll be okay, Karen. I mean, somebody will have to get awful close to me to notice what hasn't been tweezed down there."

She pursed her lips, thinking. I prayed, hoping she would set me free.

"And, you know, with the line out there..." I tried coaxing. Wherever that mythic line was.

"Yeah, alright. But still pay full price."

"Of course," I sighed in relief, hoping that I didn't sound too pathetic. I would pay double the full price, just to get out of the excruciating pain the tweezers would exact.

As I waddled out to the car - note to readers, if you ever do a bikini wax, don't wear tight jeans. Chaffing's a mother - I just kept hoping this would all be worth it. And though this is a Summer-O-Me, a guy better check me out on the beach this weekend. I did not go through all of that for mere indifference!

On the plus side, I feel neat and tidy.